'My heart is broken. I can't cry in front of him. I just cry at night when I am alone." These words from the mother of a teenage boy allegedly raped by a gang of his fellow pupils should break our hearts. Her cry is that of a parent not able to protect her 14-year-old from abuse that will be a part of his story and struggle for the rest of his life. Even worse was that it happened at a school and that the suspects are known for their bullying and disrespecting of teachers.
This would not be the first time a child has been raped at school. Or by other children. But we should not become accustomed to it. The sexual abuse of children is a symptom and contributing factor to much that is dysfunctional in our society. Physical and sexual violence is everywhere and even more so in poor communities. Toxic masculinity is everywhere and especially where victims lack power. This needs to change.
The place to start is the family. We must teach our children to respect their own bodies and rights, and those of others. We also need to recognise that many families live under extreme stress. And that some of the worst abuse can be inflicted by people who are meant to love and protect their families. We cannot abandon these families.The next layer of intervention needs to be at schools, where children can learn about gender inequality, power and rape culture. Education should include strategies on how to avoid or confront abuse. It should teach children who are at risk of offending to recognise their triggers and the consequences of their behaviour.
Our bill of rights is a source of pride. Among the rights that it confers are to human dignity, freedom from all forms of violence, either public or private sources, and not to be treated in cruel, inhuman or degrading ways. Children have the right to be protected from maltreatment, neglect, abuse or degradation. And the right to a basic education.
These rights have been savagely soiled for the 14-year-old. And if we do not care enough to change the circumstances that led to his suffering, we will soon find our other rights in tatters too, and more mothers crying into their pillows at night for the children whose futures have been altered forever...