Comprehensive insurance my foot, this is just another rip-off

Matthew Lester: The first time I heard "touch, pause, crouch, engage", I thought I had erroneously wandered onto a TV porn channel. I was so embarrassed I didn't know where to look.

This is nothing new in rugby. Michaelhouse came up with "More pressure from the rear, boys!"

St Johns headmaster, Jan Breitenbach, a kindly man, famously urged on the First XV with "play the ball, not the man". And the boys quickly refined it to "play the man, not his balls".

We need some slogans surrounding carbon emission taxes because, within five years, they will be the fourth biggest source of taxation, behind "The Big Three" - personal tax, corporate tax and VAT.

The Big Three account for more than 85% of total tax collections. So Sars and the Treasury have polished and re-polished the concepts to the extent that they are now almost fully exploited. Only increasing rates would now make a big difference. And there are all kinds of political reasons why that is not going to happen.

Even doubling sin taxes or overhauling estate duty wouldn't make a dent in the sort of tax collection numbers SA is going to need to pay for National Health Insurance or help the 15million South Africans who make up the lost generation. The only hope is carbon emission taxes, scheduled for implementation in 2012. Politicians will tell you that it's not politically correct to oppose carbon taxes - unless you come from Texas, that is.

So bring it on and wind it up on electricity consumption, fuels, you name it. By 2015, a concealed dose of flatulence will rank as tax evasion. But the problem is: How does one downsize? Regardless of the taxes, most of us would like to drive a more fuel-efficient car. But we cannot. And it's not that phenomenon of "the kids choose the car". No it's the insurance on the car that's the killer.

Because every time you buy another car, it's another comprehensive insurance policy plus bank charges and 14% VAT. So, what do we do? We tool up for peak usage.

Why can't we work on "insure the man and not the car"? Not even taxi drivers have learnt to drive two at a time. Cars locked away at home could be insured for standing risk separately.

This way, dad can have a 4x4 for the annual holiday, complete with trailer, canoe, mountain bikes and the dog. And schlepp the kids in an environmentally efficient bakkie.

The saving could pay for a Harley to regenerate dad's ageing ego on a Saturday. Or perhaps a sports car to pick up the newspapers and crumpets on Sunday morning? Imagine the saving on the rip off that is the daily insurance rate for hire cars.

Yes, life could be a whole lot better if they showed a little imagination in the design of insurance packages.

• For more, see www.matthewlester.biz