Before reality kicks in

New relationships are great. They don't call it the "Honeymoon Phase" for nothing. In the beginning the sun shines, birds tweet, nobody has morning breath and no matter what happens you can't wipe that stupid grin off your face.

That's what happens when you're having sex nine times a day.

You know what I'm talking about. Your stomach turns into a pretzel when the phone rings. You sit in a busy restaurant and feel like you're the only two people there. You go to a movie and leave with absolutely no recollection of the plot. And you can forget sleep in the beginning of a relationship. Not that you need it. Adrenaline and lust take its place. You look bright-eyed and glowing on three or four hours a night.

Dudes, try stumbling in at 3am, stinking of beer, looking for some action two years into your relationship and you'll wake up hungover on the couch with a crick in your neck. But do that in the beginning of the relationship and it's considered cute and romantic. That's because the rules of engagement are different during the Honeymoon Phase.

Honeymooning couples are easy to spot. Approach their table at a restaurant to say hi and you'll see panic in their eyes. They're terrified you might try to join them. Whereas a post-honeymoon couple will pull out a chair for you and then you'll have to go back to their place for dessert and a game of Monopoly after dinner.

The problem is that post-honeymoon couples have heard all of each other's jokes at least twice already. They've also ticked off all the positions in the Kama Sutra and a couple of new ones they made up along the way. So they don't need to scuttle off at every opportunity for an experimental quickie.

In my experience, honeymoon periods vary in length. I asked a couple of girlfriends, who all agreed (certainly not the most scientific method in the world, but it works for us) that on average, the standard honeymoon period lasts anything from 72 hours to six months. Just long enough to wake up next to each other grumpy a couple of times and experience one of you with the flu. Let's face it, once you've picked up his snotty tissues, washed his jocks and met his family, it's hard to stay completely dewy-eyed. Reality has to kick in at some point.

But there are a few up sides to making it out the other side of the Honeymoon Phase in one piece. For starters you can finally get some sleep, you don't have to shave your legs as often and you get to actually spend time with other people, such as friends and family. Because during the Honeymoon Phase, all time not spent at work or on the toilet is spent together.

Post-honeymoon, you also get to wear your favourite, most comfortable old T-shirt to bed. Don't get me wrong, sexy lingerie is great, and it certainly does the job, but sometimes you just want to make it through a full night without being strangled by a G-string or suffocated by a bustier.

The Honeymoon Phase. It's a great place to visit, but I'm not so sure I'd want to live there.