Chiselled strippers and red-lacquered Christian Louboutins. This is what radio and television personality Somizi Mhlongo wants when he faces the firing squad in a Comedy Central Roast.
No one leaves unscathed and no topics are off-limits when a celebrity faces a panel of their peers who come together to "roast" the honourable guest.
It's comedy at its harshest, cruellest, most tasteless - and funniest.
Fashion-forward choreographer, reality-TV star and radio personality "Somgaga" says he's excited about his roasting.
"Trust me, I think about it every day. I love the vibe," he said.
But who on his panel has him most excited? It's Isibaya actress Nomzamo Mbatha. He said the soapie star was not all she appeared to be and that she would surprise South Africans at the roast."I know Nomzamo very well and the Nomzamo you know from Isibaya is different [from her real personality]. Nomzamo can bring it, trust me. Don't underestimate her - she is smart, extremely intelligent, witty and a super-bitch. Don't be shocked," Mhlongo said.
This wasn't his only warning. While he is unapologetic about his relationship and opinions, Mhlongo has warned the panel not to get too personal. He recently got engaged to his partner, Mohale Motaung, on a trip to Paris. The couple are regularly seen wearing matching outfits and their social media is filled with loved-up posts, whether it's a bouquet of flowers or romantic dates.
But his relationship will be a no-go zone when he's roasted in front of a live audience.
"What I always emphasise is, say anything about me, I don't mind. Not that I don't care, but I don't mind. Don't involve people who are not part of the roast, like my family members or people close to me. It's cowardly, because then the roast can go on for three days because then I can fetch your auntie and everyone else," he said.
Fellow radio and TV personality Gareth Cliff will be roast-master.
Having worked with Cliff on Idols South Africa, Mhlongo said he was "honoured" that his former colleague had agreed to host his roast. Joining him and Mbatha on the night are comedians Skhumba Hlophe and Schalk Bezuidenhout, along with opinionated artist Ntsiki Mazwai, DJ Fresh and Afrikaans singer Kurt Darren and Fikile Mbalula.
The Comedy Central Roast of Somizi will be recorded in front of a live audience on Thursday and will be broadcast on Comedy Central, DStv channel 122, on May 7 at 9pm...