Just, no! 13 things you should totes leave in 2018
Whether 2018 dragged or flew by for you, it was certainly an eventful year. From a president stepping down and a New Dawn that died as quickly as it was hyped up, it felt as though not a day went by without drama or entertainment. But as we step into a new year, there are some things better left in the past, writes Pearl Boshomane Tsotetsi
1. CYCLING SHORTS AS FASHION
Kim K made it a thing like Princess Di did in the '90s, but let's give it a rest now. Unless you're lounging around your garden or working out, cycling shorts are not outside clothes. While you're at it, stop wearing your real pyjamas to the mall or to Chicken Licken.
2. FEEDING THE TROLLS
When it comes to social media, just block and move on. Stop giving trolls (including some politicians) oxygen by fighting them on Twitter - that has the same effect as pouring water on gremlins.
3. KANYE WEST
The celebrity version of Samuel L Jackson's Django Unchained character is cancelled.
4. 'TWITTER, DO YOUR THING'
This phrase should burn to ash when January 1 comes. Yes, Twitter can be a great place where people help each other, but many use this super-entitled phrase when they want us to retweet something that they'll (maybe) benefit from. And it's hardly something serious; it's usually because they want a free Mercedes-Benz or whatever.
5. JACOB ZUMA
2018's most-googled South African has discovered social media and he's spamming us all with videos where he's addressing the nation as though he is still its president. The camera work is shoddy, even. Please, Baba, stop it.
6. SQUANDERING GENERATIONAL WEALTH
Do you know how Anton Rupert managed to leave a smallanyana something to Johann? He didn't go to Taboo or buy BMWs, unlike you uncouth people today. That bottle of Cîroc you're pouring down your throat could be money poured into your child's education instead. Then maybe you too can accumulate billions.
7. TERRIBLE USE OF MEMES
So many South Africans on Twitter absolutely suck at using the right reaction pictures to accompany their tweets. That embarrassing behaviour ends today. Rather tweet without a picture, people.
That bottle of Cîroc you're pouring down your throat could be money poured into your child's education instead
8. RACISTS GOING VIRAL
Bigots, here's a challenge - let's get through 2019 without a single one of you being caught spewing your hate on video or on social media. If you do get caught, spare us the crocodile tears and statement claiming your actions are not a true reflection of who you really are.
9. 'FAKE NEWS'
The actual phrase is so overused and misused. "Fake news" doesn't refer to information you don't like - it means information that isn't true. Hope that's clear.
10. PRETENDING YOU'RE NOT A MEDIA CONSUMER
Claiming "the media won't cover this" while citing a media source is embarrassing. Yet people on Twitter and Facebook keep doing that. Surely they must be trolling us?
11. BEING CONTRARIAN
Why is loudly tweeting (there is such a thing) about how much you hate something that everyone else loves still a thing? Being a killjoy doesn't mean you have an interesting personality.
12. BEING BROKE
Since most of us won't be able to work our way into being millionaires, maybe those "you've inherited $3-million" e-mails will actually turn out to be real come 2019. No? OK.
13. REFERRING TO ANYTHING REMOTELY AFRICAN AS WAKANDA
Black Panther was great, but can we hang up the word "Wakanda" (with the exception of Sho Madjozi's jam Wakanda Forever) until Marvel brings T'Challa back to the big screen, please? Thank you and goodbye.