Rats are possibly smarter than us, but we’ve worked out a way to beat them

In some cognitive tests rats outperform humans. In recent research Harvard scientists ran tests where rats competed against humans. They had to discern good and bad outcomes and then integrate what they had learnt for the next test. The rats did better than the humans when they levelled up.

This is not surprising to me, or to anyone who has tried to deal with a common garden variety rat infestation. The rats always win. You think you have them conquered as the rat poison takes hold and death, destruction and devastation unfolds. But wait. A few months later the rats are back, in ever greater numbers. Like Sauron’s army — they are like zombies risen from the dead, but in ever greater numbers, invading your roof with evil scratching and I am certain an evil cackle taught to them at their mother’s teat. They develop immunity to the poisons, they work out the trick with the trap and then they shag like crazy because the endorphins kick in every time they outwit death and you, their sworn enemy.  

The science is definitive — the reason they outsmart us — is because we are rule bound. Humans have evolved to follow the law so even in situations where it would be good to think outside the rules, we struggle. But basically we are good at learning good from bad outcomes because we like to apply rules to the so-called system — take the 10 Commandments, for example — primal stuff.

Rats on the other hand know how to outwit the system and make decisions outside the box, the one with the poison in it — and that is their superpower. Plus breeding. A couple of rats can create 15,000 descendants in a year. Until now.

A company has come up with a genius plan that is not only very much out of the box, but is also  ethical. I just want to mention that rats can identify themselves in films that feature rats. That film with the rat chef was a big hit up in the roof. So as a rule-abiding someone who might have an aversion to causing unspeakable pain to a smart, possibly smarter-than-you-could-imagine fellow creature by administering blood coagulating poison – ContraPest has the answer.

Some very clever scientists decided to curb the reproductive enthusiasm of the rat population. Rat contraception, that works on male and female rats,  tastes delicious and has only one side-effect — a dramatic reduction in the rat population explosion. (They should work on human contraception next.) Rats may be smart but Contra Pest got smarter. Instead of cold-hearted murder they have finally levelled up and are playing the game our neural pathways were built for.