It's mental-health awareness week and Duncan Matthews has good reasons to tear his hair out.
Recurring injuries are stretching his mental fortitude and he has the added complication of not knowing where he'll be in the pecking order at the Bulls once he regains his fitness. It explains why the 2016 debutant has only eight Super Rugby caps.
The Bulls utility back has operated in a widening orbit and injuries only tell half the story. He cryptically offers: "If only people knew the things rugby players go through."
Thankfully for Matthews, what hasn't defeated him has made him stronger.
"You just learn to handle it better but it doesn't get easier," he said about the injuries that have blighted his career.
Not part of the Bulls touring group, Matthews is in relaxed mood at Kyalami where he is a guest in Vodacom's Red client track day. He soon has to scoot around in a Ferrari 360 but first he talks about his latest orthopaedic misfortune.
"When it happened I just cried my eyes out because it is the disappointment of starting all over. That's what happens, you start from zero," he said about his ankle injury.
"I worked the whole of December because I had a plan to be as fit as I can be and have a good season. All the hard work goes out the window. I've done that a few times.
"It is the most frustrating thing ever. You start feeling sorry for yourself. Then you stop feeling sorry for yourself. That's where mental strength comes in. If I didn't have mental strength I would stop playing rugby."
He believes his injuries have helped him deal with adversity better than others.
"I have a business and every day it brings the kind of stress that I don't have in rugby. I have reached a stage with injuries where there isn't a lot that can get me down.
"There are other sides to rugby that people don't see. Not being chosen for a game, how do you deal with that? Maybe you know you are better but it is one coach's opinion."
He didn't entirely fit into the picture when John Mitchell ran the show at Loftus - and things are no less opaque now.
Before this weekend's matches the Bulls had scored the fewest tries in Super Rugby, which in some ways is hardly surprising.
"The Bulls' selection policy has gone more towards defence and away from attack. That is something Mitch implemented."
He may have reason to look elsewhere.
"I don't watch rugby. I watch when the Bulls play, obviously. It makes me a bit negative. It is frustrating."
He however refuses to be consumed by disappointment. He'd much rather focus on his dreams as Gio Aplon once advised him. "Without him knowing, he actually had quite a big influence on me as a youngster.
"After meeting him I spoke to Gio a few times on Twitter. He motivated me. He said I should keep working towards my dream.
"As rugby players I don't think we realise the influence we have.
"If you just think of what it was like for you as a kid, then it is easier for you to be the person the kid looks up to."..