People's many reasons for not seeking therapy

"The thing is, we all need therapy," said a friend some weeks back when I asked for suggestions on how to convince someone that therapy is not invasive and unnecessary on the journey to healing from trauma.

Another friend recommended doing nothing about it: "Let them get to a point where healing trumps perceived privacy issues."

I was intrigued to read R&B crooner Vusi Nova's reasons for rebuffing psychological help after being hijacked last weekend.

Firstly, I wondered if we'd become so desensitised to crime, as South Africans, that we see it as a mere disturbance (reporting crime to insensitive police, filling out vehicle insurance claims, tightening household security, etc) and not a traumatic experience that we need to recover from. Anyone would have been humiliated after being stripped of their clothes, asked to sing, and then booted out of their own car unclothed and cold.

The perception that crime is an everyday problem - and our distrust of law enforcers - means we've become apathetic to it: in rare instances we resort to community justice, but mostly we seek to just move on from it.

Nova was quoted in the Sowetan on Monday: "It [seeing a psychologist] was a waste of my time. It just annoyed me because I knew it was not going to help with anything.

"I've been through so many things in my life and I have to carry on. I've always relied on myself. The number one person is me. I have to be strong for myself. Family is great and it's there to help, too."

Very often - and this was a point made by said second friend - suggesting to people that they seek a professional ear creates the idea that there is something wrong with them. He said a better way was to "make them aware how not dealing with something is killing their shine - bring one's awareness to their beauty and what's taking it, which might prompt them to seek help".

Of course psychology is not the be-all and end-all. Many people have different coping mechanisms and find solace and redemption in them: some throw themselves into work (I've found there's a danger of driving oneself to the point of burnout), some turn to alcohol (addictive), while others take up sports and social activities, or do charity work. Even altering one's wardrobe is said to help.

Nova might feel his music is his therapy - or that performing on stage and achieving gratification from hearing his fans sing along to his music is enough to see him through the worst. But the fans he sees from the stage aren't there when anxiety overwhelms him the next time he gets into a car alone, or the next time he stops at the robots at night after a gig - or even as he stands in his driveway while waiting for his gate to open.

I think I speak for many people when I say that trauma stays with us wherever we are. Some of us have experienced these crimes.

The ironic thing about being in the public eye and being seen as an idol is that the adoration is impermanent - yet the expectations never cease. They will always be exacting.

Without playing Dr Phil, I wonder if Nova is not dogged by the need to be perceived as resilient in front of the public in order to not fuel those who have ridiculed him before, or even to preserve the idea that he is man enough to endure whatever may come his way.

Many public figures have mentioned that adopting a siege mentality has helped them survive the pressures of success, and there are signs Nova may have decided to do the same - building an impenetrable wall around himself to guard from scrutiny.

What we've learned, too, from the recent racket caused by those who are incensed by the upcoming film Inxeba (The Wound), starring musician and actor Nakhane, is that we're a very proud people and that many will fight tooth and nail to preserve patriarchy and maintain the status quo - that men lead and don't yield.

I sure as hell hope that didn't figure in Nova's thinking.

One hopes he doesn't lose his light - the music industry is better for him.